For all sad words of tongue and pen, the saddest are these, “It might have been.” – John Greenleaf Whittier

November 3, 2024    First Congregational Church UCC, Brimfield MA

Wisdom 3:1-9 — the souls of the righteous are in the hand of God, and no torment will ever touch them.   In the eyes of the foolish they seemed to have died, and their departure was thought to be a disaster and their going from us to be their destruction,  but they are at peace. For though in the sight of others they were punished,  their hope is full of immortality. Having been disciplined a little, they will receive great good, because God tested them and found them worthy of himself; 

John 11:32-35– When Mary came where Jesus was and saw him, she knelt at his feet and said to him, “Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died.” When Jesus saw her weeping and the Jews who came with her also weeping, he was greatly disturbed in spirit and deeply moved. He said, “Where have you laid him?” They said to him, “Lord, come and see.” Jesus began to weep.

May the words of my mouth and the meditations of our hearts be acceptable in your sight, O God our Rock and our Redeemer.  Amen.

For all sad words of tongue and pen, the saddest are these, “It might have been.” – John Greenleaf Whittier

It might have been… Whittier’s poem was about two young people who thought they might be a couple, but who never took the first step… and so spent their lives dreaming of what might have been…instead of reaching out

I know you’ve heard the line – if I hadn’t done this, then that would have happened – or if I had done that, then the other wouldn’t have happened….   Sometimes that’s true, of course.  If I didn’t eat that ice cream. . .  or, if I hadn’t gone 80 mph on the Pike, I might not have gotten that expensive ticket.  That’s one aspect, but there’s another, nastier way I hear that being used – used as a way to blame.

My closest cousin was born with Prader-Willi syndrome, a chromosomal malformation that meant she had numerous physical and cognitive issues.  I don’t know how often people came to my aunt and uncle suggesting that if they’d only done this, or not done that, Char would have been “normal”.  I don’t know how often people tried to blame them for the random action of dividing cells.  I do know that it was a long time before they stopped blaming themselves.

Maybe you’ve heard that another way:  if I’d disciplined my child better, they wouldn’t have …. Or if I hadn’t asked so much, or hadn’t worked so late, or whatever.  And it’s always a kind of blame that makes us wish… it might have been different.

That’s so hard, especially when someone dies.  We remember that this weekend when it’s All Saints Sunday.  Oh how I wish I could have another conversation with my father; why didn’t I do more?

Could I have been more loving, kinder, less critical…  Could I have said one more word?  Is there something I could have done to change the outcome?  Could I have made it different?

One of my favorite poem is Otherwise, by Jane Kenyon

I got out of bed
on two strong legs.
It might have been
otherwise. I ate
cereal, sweet
milk, ripe, flawless
peach. It might
have been otherwise.
I took the dog uphill
to the birch wood.
All morning I did
the work I love.
At noon I lay down
with my mate. It might
have been otherwise.
We ate dinner together
at a table with silver
candlesticks. It might
have been otherwise.
I slept in a bed
in a room with paintings
on the walls, and
planned another day
just like this day.
But one day, I know,
it will be otherwise.

When things don’t go the way we want, it’s all too easy to fall into “it might have been”.  It’s so tempting to think that if we had done just one more thing, or done something just a little differently, it would all have turned out differently.

Our lives are our lives.  We live them the best we can in the moment.  Sometimes that’s not so good, sometime it’s darned close to perfect.  We might wish they had gone better, or that we’d had one more good day together.  We often miss those who are gone and wish we could go back.  That’s real, that’s our love speaking, our sorrow.  

Just the other day, I was driving from Manchester CT back to Providence along Route 44 and thought – just for a moment – how much I would have enjoyed having my father in the car with me.  Woodstock CT was his homeland; he knew all the stories, all the people.  But he died before we would ever have had an opportunity for that ride, and just for a moment, I wondered what might have been.

You’ve been in that place as well.  It’s a good place, but it’s not a place to live.  Maybe God gives us “it might have been” to enjoy the possibility, or to imagine the continuation of a beloved relationship, but living there is no substitute for where we are now.

This is particularly important to hold in our hearts this week, as we face a general election for President of the United States.  No matter which way things go, we cannot maroon ourselves in “it might have been”.    Even if your candidate wins, even if every candidate you support gets elected, we all still need to move beyond “it might have been” … it might have been less contentious.  It might have been less angry.  Less filled with lies.  

Let me be clear.  I am not just talking from my side of the vote.  Almost everyone I know thinks the other side, whoever that may be, is lying, is angrier, hate-filled, misrepresenting reality.

Today’s lessons point us toward a different view of truth.  We only see partially, they tell us.  We see what matters to us in our particular setting.  Sirach wrote that “the souls of the righteous are in the hand of God and no torment will ever touch them”.  We see what is not, God sees all.  We see what we don’t have; God can see the whole picture.

We are worried about this election; whatever the result, we will still be followers of God.  We still will be able to tell right from wrong.  

If our candidate wins, we will still have the tough job of building community in our world.  If the other candidate wins, the job will still be the same.  

Most likely each of thinks our work will be easier, our lives better, if our candidate wins.  Here’s something to think about though:  no matter who wins, building trust, accepting difference, living out Christ’s call to love, whoever folks are, wherever they are on life’s journey, is still going to be a challenge.

Soon we will share the meal of Holy Communion with one another.  Let that time be a time for us to re-dedicate ourselves to the work of sharing Christian love with our community. Step from “it might have been” into this is what it is, and we can do this hard thing.  Let us be people of love, now and always.

Amen.

© 2024, Virginia H. Child